Good Vibes, Positive Thoughts, and Prayer

Image from pinterest.com

A friend posted something on facebook the other day asking for prayer about an upcoming trial in life. Several people chimed in offering their support through prayer and many sent well wishes. Others said they'd be sending good vibes and positive thoughts. All mean well, but it has me wondering something. Just what will good vibes and positive thoughts do for this friend of mine?

Oh sure, she might be encouraged to know her friends are thinking of her. It's always nice to know that people care about you. But really, when the tough day comes, how will those good vibes help her?

As Christians, it's really easy to say, "I'll pray for you," whenever a friend expresses a need. But it's time to evaluate. Are we really doing what we promise?

When I first moved to St. Louis, a very wise woman shared with me that she had decided to forego using the phrase "I'll pray for you." Instead she would take the friend or acquaintance aside and pray for and with them on the spot. She didn't wait. She said, "Let's pray about that now." If the opportunity to pray at that moment wasn't feasible, she had a different phrase. She'd say, "I'll pray for you whenever the Lord brings you to mind." Now that's a promise you can keep!

The Bible tells us that prayer is the most powerful tool we have. It gives us direct access to GOD!! When we pray, we are going before the throne of the living God. We are placing our friends, our loved ones, those we meet, and even some we've never encountered, into the Lord's hands. We are recognizing His authority and His power. And if you want to understand the power of prayer, just read a few accounts in the Bible. Passages such as when Abraham prayed for the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 18), times when Moses prayed for the Israelites (Exodus 32), Hannah's prayer for a child (1 Samuel 1), Paul and Silas's prayer in prison (Acts 16). God hears our prayers and he answers.

Which brings me back to these good vibes and positive thoughts. If prayer is the tool that brings us and our loved ones into the presence of Almighty God, what do these vibes and thoughts do? Are thoughts the same as prayers?

I have to say that thoughts aren't the same as prayer. I used to trick myself into thinking that if I had thought much of someone during the day, it equated to me having prayed much for them. But that's a nasty little trick the father of lies wants us to believe. It keeps us from actually spending time in prayer to God. Prayer is a conversation with God. Thinking is a conversation with oneself. Thinking of a person is great ... for you. But it does nothing to improve anything for the other party. Of course, you could easily make a case that thinking of someone leads you to check in on them and offer help. If that actually happens, then kudos to you! But I know that in my own life, it is a rare friend who offers to pray and then will actually follow up with questions or a phone call days later. If thinking leads you to action, that's terrific. But it's still not as powerful as prayer.

I'm not even sure where to go with the good vibes thing. I'm guessing that thought emerges from the belief that we are all connected by our energy. If I think positively of you (sending you good vibes) then you'll somehow subconsciously pick up on that positive vibration and it will have a good effect on your body/mind/soul. Honestly I don't get it. I could sit in the living room sending positive vibes to my cranky toddler all day long and it won't improve his mood. He'd simply think I was being a selfish and neglectful mommy sitting alone on the couch while he has needs in the other room.

Friends, can we do this: when we want to positively impact someone, let's actually do the monumental and life-changing task of praying for them. Stop sending vibes and thoughts that are only impacting you. Take your friends before the throne of grace and put them and their needs into the hands of the Creator. Far more will be accomplished. It doesn't take much time; it doesn't have to be long. You don't have to be on your knees or in a quiet place. Pray with out ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17). Can you imagine what could be accomplished if we actually took that to heart? Oh, that it would be so!

Bodly and with Confidence

image from thejoyfulcatholic.wordpress.com


We've all been there. We've sat through the awkward silence after a group leader asks if someone would like to pray. It's agonizingly painful for the leader who is waiting for a brave soul to step up, and it's embarassing for all those who feel like they should volunteer, but really don't want to.

Why are we like this? Why do we choose silence when we're given the opportunity to lead others before the throne of grace? I wonder what impression we give to those outside of the faith.

Prayer is a burdensome duty.
You must pray perfectly or God will not accept it.
Faith is a private thing and shouldn't be forced on others.
Only those mature in the faith can lead others in prayer.

Oh, how wrong these assumptions are! Hebrews 4:16 says, "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." With confidence!! Other translations use the word boldly. That's a far cry from how many of us are approaching group prayer.

Last summer I had the joy of seeing someone approach the throne of grace with confidence. Her name is Patty. To say she's had a hard life doesn't even scratch the surface of what Patty has been through. When I met her, Patty was a homeless alcoholic. In the midst of her pain, someone had come alongside Patty. While providing for her basic physical needs, this woman also saw to the needs of Patty's soul.

Patty is a naturally passionate person, and when she asked the Lord to redeem the mess of her life, her passion spilled over into her faith. She began attending a Bible study and it was delightful to watch her grow and learn. Passionate Patty was never staid in her faith. When the study leader asked, "Who would like to read from ..." Patty would interrupt. "Me! I'd like to read! What verses?" When the study leader asked for a volunteer to pray, there was no moment of awkward silence. Before anyone else could get a word in, Patty would almost yell out her desire to pray.

While most of us approach group prayer by first providing a moment of quiet for anyone else to voice their desire to pray, Patty would be the first to volunteer; afraid the opportunity might pass her by. She wasn't concerned about letting others have the privilege, she simply wanted to spend every moment conversing with her Lord.

Christians, why aren't we more like Patty? We should jump at the opportunity to lead others to the throne. The Lord does not require eloquent, beautiful prayers. He does not concern himself with what others think of our stumbling words. A heart that longs for Him ought to leap at the chance to bring others into His presence in prayer. So next time you're in a group, don't be polite and wait for others to volunteer. Be the one that wastes not even a moment before declaring your desire to pray. What a privilege we have to speak to the Creator, the Savior, the King of Kings!

Phileo Love in Marriage

I have started reading a book by Carolyn Mahaney called Feminine Appeal to start off the sabbatical. I’ve been putting off this book for quite some time, but am pleasantly surprised to find it very challenging and applicable!

The second chapter of the book is titled, “The Delight of Loving My Husband”. Before beginning to read, I mentally put a check in the box thinking, “I’ve got this one covered. Josh and I have a really good marriage and I think I love him pretty well!” Imagine my surprise to find that Mahaney has actually caused me to rethink some of the ways in which I relate to my husband.

For instance, she talks specifically about the different kinds of love described by the Greek language (which is used in the New Testament). There are three different terms for love in Greek: phileo, eros, and agape. Eros is erotic love. Phileo is the love of friendship. (Think of Philadelphia, also called The City of Brotherly Love.) And agape is self-sacrificing love.


Mahaney says this about phileo:

This word describes the love between very close friends. It is a tender, affectionate, passionate kind of love. It emphasizes enjoyment and respect in a relationship. Sad to say, I have been guilty of neglecting this phileo kind of love on numerous occasions. I often become so preoccupied with the duties and responsibilities of my marriage that I fail to nurture tenderness and passion in my relationship with my husband. I get so busy serving him that I overlook enjoying him. In light of my tendency to neglect this tender love, I find it interesting that Paul chose phileo rather than agape to describe the kind of love we are to have for our husbands. In fact, in commands specifically related to wives, agape is never used.

Husbands, in contrast, are specifically commanded to love their wives with an agape kind of love. I believe that Scripture’s specific commands to husbands and wives regarding their duties in marriage attest to our respective weaknesses. Men may be weaker in showing sacrificial love and are therefore exhorted to undertake it. But I believe women are generally weaker in exhibiting an affectionate love.



I’ve been hit between the eyes on this because as I give my marriage a good, honest look I’m realizing that I am great at agape love and only so-so in regards to phileo love. I will happily bend over backwards to help and serve Josh. I will put everything in my life on hold to run an errand for him or even just make him that cup of tea he’d like me to brew before he comes home for lunch. It is much the same way that I serve my children.

And while I do show some phileo love, I certainly could do better. It’s interesting how this relates to love languages. My primary love language is quality time. You’d think that would indicate that I constantly initiate moments of quality time with my husband. But I’m ornery and that’s not how it works in my head. I want Josh to initiate time with me so that he can speak my love language to me. If I initiate, I feel like I’ve done his work for him! Mahaney’s book is challenging my assumptions on this. I am called by God to initiate time with my husband. To learn about him, to take an interest in him, to enjoy him because of who he is – exactly who God made him to be and exactly the man I was desperate to marry 13 years ago!

So, how do we women cultivate and show this phileo love to our husbands?



Mahaney says: Loving our husbands with a tender and passionate love is not something that happens automatically in our marriage. Ever since Adam and Eve took that fatal bite of forbidden fruit, our natural human inclination has shifted toward sin. Therefore, we are not naturally prone to love. We are not naturally inclined to be passionate and respectful toward our husbands. Rather we must learn how to adopt this kind of love. Loving our husbands – as biblically defined – is a learned response through the grace of God. The good news is that God is eager to teach us this love.

King Solomon, who after the Lord Himself holds the distinction of the being the wisest man who ever lived, said, “Keep your heart with all vigilance” (Prov. 4:23). In order to cultivate and maintain a tender love for our husbands, we must guard our hearts against sin.



And to get a little more practical, here’s a quote from Elisabeth Elliot which hits the nail squarely on the head:

A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to perhaps eighty percent of her expectations. There is always the other twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much. She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy.
– Taken from her book Love Has a Price Tag



What good advice! How often do we concentrate on the little things that irritate us about our spouse! Josh can serve me after a long and tiring day’s work by doing the dishes not only from dinner, but also the ones left over from lunch and breakfast. But because he has left his dirty socks on the floor, I am tempted to nag, to overlook his care, and focus only on the small thing irritating me. It not only shows an unthankful heart, but it shows my own selfish tendencies. Rather, if I choose to focus on the gracious way my tired man is helping around the house, I am much more likely to not only think well of him, but to voice my appreciation, thus demonstrating phileo love.

I think sometimes we make this out to be so difficult and it’s not really. As women, we tend to want our husband to be everything we need. To provide, to care, to serve, to watch the kids whenever home, to spend his free time with us, to bring flowers, to remember dates and appointments without fault … in a word, we want him to be perfect. He is NOT God! Ladies, we need to put our expectations and hopes in the right place and on the right person. Your husband will fail you many times. But there is One who will not. And He has graciously given you a husband to walk alongside you, support you, and care for you. Make a deliberate choice to show some phileo love to your man today.

Related by Blood

Awhile back I heard from an acquaintance who asked to come and spend the afternoon with me. My initial reaction was to say no.

This woman seemed so different from me. Our likes, attitudes, and goals are so very different. And it would have been quite simple for me to use any one of my ready excuses: it's a school day, we have several things going on that evening, Jesse will need my attention ... I don't have time. All are true on any given day, but I was feeling guilty at the thought of offering lame excuses simply because I didn't want to get to know someone new.

As I wrestled with myself, I prayed aloud and asked God if I really needed to have her over. The gentle reply came to my heart. "Perhaps you don't need it, but she does." Oh.

"But, but ... I have lots going on! I don't have time to hang out with good friends let alone someone who I barely know!"

And that voice spoke again. "She is my daughter. She is your sister in the faith. She is family."

That one struck me like a two by four. Josh and I have always had an open door for family. Whether it's a week long visit from far away at an inconvenient time or a quick dash to the house for some sugar, we don't turn family away. We consider those relationships to be paramount and we've always told our family members that any time they want to see us, we'll make room. Room in our schedule, in our home, in our lives.

So here was God plainly telling me that I was trying to shut out a family member. Not a biological family member, but one related by blood just the same. The blood of Christ. And if I truly view her as such, then I must keep my door, my schedule and my life open to her.

Talk about conviction. So, I opened the door wide. I invited her in. We shared life. And we began a relationship. We may be quite different from each other, but then I shouldn't be surprised. I have several immediate family members that are practically opposite of me! And yet I choose to love them.

And there's the crux. Love. A choice. The moment I opened my door I chose to love this new sister. And I can honestly say I'm richer for it.