Open Hands

God cannot fill hands that are closed. -Augustine

I recently heard this quote from a friend and I've been pondering it daily.

God cannot fill hands that are closed.

Hmm. What does that mean in my life? In what areas are my hands closed off to God's blessings? Looking back over this past year, I can see one very clear example.

We have four beautiful children. Four healthy, intelligent, vibrant youngsters who fill our days with joy. We are pouring our lives into them. And we enjoy it. We see the tremendous blessings that come with parenthood. We've noticed that as we change to be more Christ centered in our parenting, our own lives are so much better.

So, what would be so bad about God giving us a fifth child? Funny you should ask!

Our youngest will be five next month. After he was born, we agreed that four blessings was definitely enough. Society begins to look at you strangely if you have more than four, and five really didn't fit into the plan we had made when we first married. Back then we'd said three or four. So, at four it was definitely time to be done!

Except that God kept tugging at our hearts. He kept pushing at our assumptions that a smaller family was happier. That we couldn't possibly handle more than four children. That it would be too big of a financial strain to have more children. Excuses, excuses, excuses.

Closed hands.

Then, last February, Josh went to Kenya. He saw the incredible poverty there. He saw firsthand how incredibly rich and priviledged we are here in the States. He also recognized how very blessed our children are to be growing up in a household where the top priority is for them to know the Lord. To love Him with all their heart, soul, mind and strength.

So began a very long discussion between husband and wife. A discussion that included looking carefully at the lives of friends with various family sizes. A discussion that included research, insecurity, prayer, tears, disagreements and finally ...

Surrender. Open hands.

We finally realized that every reason we put forth for not wanting more children was based purely on our own selfish motives. If we have more kids, how OLD will we be when they finally leave the nest? If we have more kids, we'll feel so cramped in our house. If we have more kids, we'll afford less stuff. If we have more kids, it'll be more work. If we have more kids, we'll be back to the sleepless nights, diaper changes, potty training and spit up.

Looking at it that way, I'm surprised we ever had any kids!

But what about the flip side? If we have more kids, we'll have more wonderful lives to pour ourselves into. If we have more kids, just think of the impact our children could have for the Kingdom of God! (The Bible says that children of believers are like arrows in the hands of a warrior!) If we have more kids, we'd have more joyous experiences - more laughs, more fun, more teachable moments, more of the good kind of chaos. If we have more kids, our legacy will grow exponentially - a legacy that we pray will bring great glory to God!

Finally, we agreed to open our hands. We agreed to let God bless us with another child should he so desire. And desire he did! In our very first month with hands open, the Lord filled our outstreched palms. He has provided us with another child on the way.

And we are thrilled! Oh, yes, we're enduring a few comments of, "Another one!! Why would you want to do that?" Well, here's why:

When you open your hands to the Lord, he doesn't pour down sulfur. He doesn't fill your hands with burning coals. He rains down blessings on your life. Sometimes in the forms of trials. But always in the form of his provision and grace.

I will open my hands to the Lord. The giver of all good things. The creator, sustainer and filler of life.

Jesus said, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10)

Remember, "God cannot fill hands that are closed." Why are your hands closed? Open them! And receive fullness of life.

Complete Abandon

Although we live in Wisconsin, we've lately had a lack of snow. A few days after Christmas we had some wonderfully warm weather that melted all but the large piles of snow leftover from shoveling.

Today, finally, we are getting some new snow. No more brown ground to look out. No more the cries of bored children desperate to play in the snow only to be met with hard mud. And no more going outdoors without boots!

After a late lunch, we asked the two older boys to head outside and clear off the driveway. Of course, the younger two couldn't bear to stay indoors either, so all four bundled up and headed out into the glorious white powder.

I watched from the front window for a few moments to make sure both boys were doing equal amounts of work and then I headed toward the back to check on the younger two. To my surprise, I saw only my youngest lying face down in the snow! I was sure something was wrong and I carefully watched his body from the window to see if he was crying. But, just as I was ready to trudge outside and check on him, I noticed a little pink tongue moving underneath his red cheeks.

There he was, sprawled out on his belly in the fresh snow, lingering over each lick of the wet, cold delicacy. Every once in a while he'd lift his head and I'd see his smile stretch from ear to ear as he enjoyed the return of winter's treat. It was as if his whole body just couldn't contain his joy!

As I sat and marveled at his complete abandon in enjoying this winter weather, I was struck with my own reserved nature. I can't remember ever once getting on my belly and licking the snow. And as I watched my son, I couldn't help but feel that I've missed out on something great all these years.

The Bible tells us of another type of abandon that is to be celebrated and desired. And that is abandon in the praise and worship of God. In 2 Samuel 6:14 it says that "David danced before the Lord with all his might." And in verse 15 it continues saying, "David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the Lord with shouting and with the sound of the horn."

When I think of worshiping with abandon, King David immediately comes to mind. He was not reserved in his praise of the Lord. He had seen God do incredible things and he didn't fail to give God incredible praise.

Sometimes I just want to stand up and shout about what the Lord has done. To let the world know that I serve an awesome God! But too often, I get embarrassed. I fear the response of others and I hold my praises in.

So today, I'm learning a lesson from my young son. Certain aspects of life should be enjoyed with complete abandon. Things like eating snow, showing love for others, singing and shouting praises to the King. How will you live with abandon today?

Memory Lane on Beth's Birthday

Yesterday was my sister Beth's birthday. She and I have a rather large age gap between us, so as I was growing up she was mostly out of the house. However, because of that I remember the times we had together so much more clearly. They were special and have been burned into my memory.


So here goes. Memories for Beth ...

- "hundreds" of bottles of nail polish lined up on your bedroom shelf in the basement.
- The "puddle" I found when I went to wake you one morning. Our basement had flooded. :)
- Hours and hours of swimming together in Hawaii.
- Hearing the news that you were engaged to Steve. It was just after a violin concert of mine.
- Coloring with you. You were always the best colorer!
- You teaching me to drive at the UCONN campus. I think I was only 13! (And scared to death!)
- You and Tim coming back all sweaty from long runs together.
- You suntanning on the top of the roof.
- Playing tennis.
- The dinner cruise in Hawaii.

- Your short military haircut.
- Bragging to my friends that I had a sister in the ARMY!!
- The rainbow balloon you got for your graduation. And how badly I wanted to keep that balloon!

- The night you taught me how to shuffle by making a rainbow with the cards.
- Your orange room - complete with orange record player.
- Visiting you in NY and hiking with you, Mom and Shawn.

- Your latest visit to our house and the sweet hours of conversation.
- Feeling so grown up at your wedding in my pink gown.
- The little white Gund bear that you gave me from Korea. Mercer was my favorite bear all the way through high school.
- Getting letters from you when you were away.
- Christmas mornings.
- Meeting Shawn for the first time. I remember wearing a mask because I had been sick. But I also remember being amazed that you had a child!
- Snuggling with you.

- Your rock hard muscles once you joined the army!
- Going with Christy and David to visit you in MO. And what a great hostess you were!
- Eating fresh pineapple at your house on our first morning in Hawaii.
- Great fear that you and Steve could possibly be deployed to Desert Storm in Iraq.
- And great thankfulness that you weren't!
- Abby holding your hand at Sea World.

- Hearing you laugh in the back seat of the van as you took silly pictures with the kids. :)
- And many, many more ....

Beth, you are a tremendous blessing in my life! I'm thankful for you every single day. I love you and look forward to many more years of precious memories.

Christmas Craziness!

It's been quite awhile since I last blogged. After blogging every day during the month of November, December hit and I found I was suffering from blogger burnout. I'm finally beginning to feel a desire to return though.

As difficult as it was to blog daily, I can say that it really helped me to see the delightful and teachable moments in each day. That's what I've been missing lately. Those moments are still happening, but I'm not taking the time to notice them.

So, what have I been up to? You guessed it ... Christmas, Christmas, Christmas! Cards, shopping, wrapping, sending packages, parties, cleaning, baking, planning.

I think I'm about done though. Hooray for me! Shopping is definitely done. I may yet pick up a pack of silly bandz for one child's stocking because I recently learned that he LOVES them and actually wears them all day ... EVERY DAY. However, aside from that, I'm done shopping.

I've started the baking, so I'm not very concerned about that. I have a bit more to do and a few plates of cookies to hand out to neighbors and the garbage and mail men. And in terms of food, I've ordered our Christmas roast.

My cards are all done and now I can just sit back and revel in the joy of receiving cards in the mail each day. Did I mention that getting cards is one of my favorite things about the Christmas season?

We've been working on Christmas carols with the kids and I'm really enjoying playing the violin on Sundays. In fact, this Sunday is our special Christmas service and we have some really awesome music planned. I can't wait!

What else ... cleaning will never end. But that doesn't change with the Christmas season. And we've had our last Christmas party.

All that remains is to revel in the joy and peace of Christmas. This year I'm determined to really center my thoughts and studies on the cross. Typically we think of Christmas and focus on baby Jesus. Rightly so, but as in this picture I recently found, the manger was shadowed by the cross.



The cross was his focus, his goal. I cannot consider the Christmas season complete without also bending my own knee at the cross. Stopping for a long, honest look at what Jesus did for me. Starting with coming as a baby, journeying to the cross, and ending triumphantly by conquering the grave. Hallelujah!

Amidst your own Christmas chaos, don't forget to take time to really reflect on the true reason we celebrate. It's worth so much more than all the other trappings.

A Birthday Tribute

It's my brother's birthday today. Which means that I'm thinking of him a lot and enjoying some reminiscing too. We've had some good times. :) So, here's to you, big brother. Happy Birthday!

I remember ...
- sledding. I always felt safe on our big hill with you nearby.
- wearing your old tshirts to bed. I used to dance around my bedroom as I listened to the record player, clad in one of your old shirts that went at least to my knees.
- watching you put on all your hockey gear.
- Boris the snake. Lots of memories of him. Like the time you brought him in for show and tell, the guests who never failed to look scared when Boris was brought out after dinner, watching with fascination as he ate little white mice.
- laughing as kids at Lakeside tried to guess your age. :)
- meeting your sweet wife, Sarah, and being filled with joy as I saw how happy you were on your wedding day.
- visiting you in Tempe, Arizona.
- going to the Peter Pan show with you in Tempe.
- the Grand Canyon
- you heading off to Nana and Papa's for "second dinner".
- You and Beth coming back from long runs.
- Watching you eat cold pizza. Yuck. And cold Ravioli out of the can.
- Measuring your forearm and my thigh and finding they were about the same size!
- asking for advice on how to witness to my friends
- thinking how cool it was to have the waterfront director as my brother.
- thinking how UNcool it was that said brother made me do much more than others for my swim test each year.
- Clam digging in PEI.
- tremendous thankfulness for your renewed health.
- playing Pitch. Somehow you always seem to win. Even going so far as to get a 4 bagger with 10 high!
- You teaching me how to play 52 card pick up just after I turned 5.
- Me crying until you had to pick up those 52 cards.
- Playing pool with you in the basement of the M's house.
- seeing you with your head all wrapped up after your bike accident.
- you taking me to McDonalds for milkshakes just after my blood drawing for Lyme Disease.
- watching you play with our young relatives in Sweden.
- your motorcycles.
- your visit to my concert on our band trip to Philly.
- the way you used to trick misbehaving boaters by saying you couldn't see well when in fact you had perfect vision.
- picking rocks.
- seeing you play with my children.
- youth group and playing "eat that food".
- your sense of humor and how frequently you have tricked your gullible sisters.
- and of course, indian sunburns!

I love you, Tim! Here's to many more years of memories.