I have been silent for a long time. In fact my last blog entry was six months ago to the day.
I didn't plan to begin writing again at this exact moment. I have longed to blog many times over the past six months. I have even logged in with fascinating topics swirling in my brain simply to end up staring at the blinking cursor wondering where my words had gone.
Why? I'm not sure if I can explain it. This year has been long and difficult. It has been a year of transitions and a year of hard work. Along with re-learning what it's like to have a baby in the house, we're learning what it's like to parent adolescent boys. I have walked beside my husband as the church transitioned to a healthier, Biblical leadership model. Some of our dreams have changed and others have been re-born. I have transitioned out of pregnancy and back into it. We have changed our homeschooling curriculum and are wading our way through it one day at a time. Transition, change, disappointment, joy, frustration, growth, laughter, tears. My heart is full. Sometimes it feels too full.
That fullness is what has kept me from writing. While many thoughts have swirled in my head and many lessons have been learned, I have not had the ability to write about such things.
Tonight I was trying to pinpoint the biggest lesson I've learned over the past six months. And here it is: I am weak. Christ is strong.
Profound, right? Absolutely!
No doubt you've offered consolation to a friend with words like these: "Well, God can do anything. Even turn this situation around" or "I'll pray that God gives you the strength you need for ..."
We quote verses to one another.
I Corinthians 1:25 the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.
II Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Sometimes though, I wonder if we really think about the power of these truths as we encourage one another. Recently I have begun to grasp the difference between glibly quoting them as truth and actually understanding and believing the meaning.
Oh trust me, I still have a long way to go before I fully grasp the entirety of my weakness and Christ's strength. My default is still to think that my hard work is what will make the day good or bad, that my abilities should be enough, that my weaknesses are shameful.
But here is the crux.
How I respond to what I can and cannot do reflects on what I believe about the character of God.
When facing an illness - either my own or a loved one's - and I pray for healing, do I truly trust God to heal in whatever way is best: physical or spiritual or both? When attempting to trudge through the never-ending list of to-dos, and failing miserably for the fifth day in a row, do I still ask God to put his priorities first in my life - even if that means my "priorities" may be set aside? When unable to shoulder some of the weight of a loved one's burdens, am I really able to place them into the loving hands of my Savior and leave them there?
These are the things I am learning. I am weak. I cannot do it all. And when I look at the enormity of it all, I'm rather glad I can't! But I do have a God who is strong enough. I have a God who is able to accomplish far more than I can imagine. And even in the hard times, I can trust him with all of life.
And I am left with this:
Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire. Hebrews 12:12-13, 28-29