Flash Back to the Future

I'm sitting with a sweet little cuddly boy on my lap. Today he is 19 months old and he has a new fascination with trains. Which means he loves watching Thomas the Tank Engine. It's a special treat since we rarely have the TV on, but today he needed a little mommy time. I have a cold and don't feel great, so a little snuggle time in front of the TV was a perfect option.

As he watches, I can see his adorable profile. His build, hair, and profile remind me so much of his older brother. And as I looked at his sweet face moments ago, I had a vision from days gone by of his older brother sitting and watching Thomas. Enjoying the show with the same interest, the same comfortable, chubby, snuggly little body, the big, blueberry eyes gazing intently at the television.

Today was different though, because as I gazed at my little sunshine, remembering days from years ago, I could see his big brother sitting in the background. Also watching Thomas, but now much bigger. His lanky legs span the length of the couch, he has lost all his baby fat. His hair is still unruly, but somehow it still makes him look older. His feet are so much bigger and smellier than those cute little bricks I used to kiss all day long.

I realized that when this little one on my lap reaches the age his brother is now, big brother will be 20. He'll likely be out of my house, grown, possibly even on his way to marriage! He'll have his sights set on a career, he'll be a man. And the most intense years of my influence will have passed.

I tried to imagine what our little one will be like in 10 years. But just as I can't imagine my big boy as a 20 year old, I also can't imagine my baby as a big boy of 11.

It brought to mind Psalm 90 which talks about the brevity of life, and God's eternal nature. It contains a plea for God to teach us to use our days wisely and to find joy in our work.

Indeed, Lord, grant me joy in the moments of my work as a mother. For as I am finding, those moments accumulate and pass much more quickly than I expect or desire.


Psalm 90
Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God. You turn men back to dust, saying, "Return to dust, O sons of men." For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night. You sweep men away in the sleep of death; they are like the new grass of the morning-- though in the morning it springs up new, by evening it is dry and withered. We are consumed by your anger and terrified by your indignation. You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence. All our days pass away under your wrath; we finish our years with a moan. The length of our days is seventy years-- or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away. Who knows the power of your anger? For your wrath is as great as the fear that is due you. Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Relent, O LORD! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants. Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble. May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children. May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us-- yes, establish the work of our hands.