End of a dream

Josh and I made a tough decision tonight. We decided to cancel our vacation. A vacation that I have longed and begged for for the past 10 years. Why? Because we need a new roof.

About a week ago, we had a gutter fall off the back of our house. As that was getting repaired, we found out that our roof is badly in need of repair - or actually a re-do - and that we have several spots of rot that need immediate attention. Roofs are expensive and unfortunately, we had not planned for that substantial cost in our budget. So, we had to figure out what to cut.

The vacation we were planning is my dream vacation. It was a week at the family camp I attended as a child and where I later spent several summers working. That camp is home to me. We all have houses we've lived in that we call "home", but the place where I have felt most at home is this small Christian camp in Massachusetts. It's where I went every summer, where my best and worst childhood memories took place, where I grew leaps and bounds in my faith and where I have always felt the safest. It's the place where I met lifelong friends, shared the gospel, learned to let loose, and grew to love the beauty of creation.

Just after getting married, I took my husband with me to family camp week - and had a miserable experience. There were several factors, but I have always longed for a chance to redeem my "home" in his eyes. And now that I have children, I long for them to experience this wonderful place. I want my older boys to have the freedom of roaming free in a safe environment. I want my kids to see with their eyes what mom has talked about over the years. I want them to understand me by experiencing my favorite place.

It was finally going to happen this summer. We have a wedding to attend on the east coast the day before camp starts. The timing was perfect. And then our roof happened ...

So, tonight I'm mourning the end of a dream. It took ten years for us to finally work this into our plans and honestly I don't see it working out again for many years. By then, my kids will be much older and who knows what life will look like.

I'm sad tonight. I'm disappointed. But still, I am thankful for the home that still is in my heart and for the things I learned there that withstand the test of time. And deep down, I know we've made the right decision. It just hurts.